Talking about missing school
Supporting care experienced children to attend school regularly is vital, as missing school affects learning and wellbeing. Open conversations about attendance can help identify the right support.
Missing school has a significant impact on children’s learning, and care experienced children statistically have lower attendance than their peers.
Talking about attendance is important – not only as a duty of parents and carers, but as a way of helping children get the support they need to engage with learning.
Talking about attendance can be tricky
Everyone supporting care experienced children and young people can find it hard to talk about attendance. Parents and carers can worry they might be blamed for a child’s low attendance. School staff can be concerned about what’s happening at home and not know where to start.
Having these conversations is so important – that’s why we’ve created this page to help you get talking.
Here are some conversation starters to help you navigate conversations about attendance:
The duty of parents and carers
💬 “Hi, I’m calling to let you know that Mohit won’t be at school today, because he’s not feeling well. Hopefully he’ll be alright by tomorrow.”
💬 “We’ve not seen Sarah this morning – just checking whether she’s running a little late, or if she’s not going to be in school today?”
By law, if a child is going to miss school, their parents or carers must inform the school. Often, this is a phone call to the school office. Sometimes, a school will phone home to find out why a pupil is not in.
You might also say:
💬 “I’m sorry, she won’t be in today because…”
💬 “I’m calling to let you know that he’s still not feeling well so won’t be in.”
💬 “Just checking how they are feeling – do you think they’ll be in later on this week?”
What are the reasons?
💬 “Ellie has moved into her new placement now, but the transition has been really tough. She wanted me to let you know she’s not able to come to school yet.”
💬 “I know Mark’s been feeling quite stressed about the exams – is that something that’s making him feel too anxious to come in to school at the moment?”
Some absences, like illness or a dentist appointment, can’t be avoided. Other times, children miss school for reasons that school may be able to support with, such as mental health needs or circumstances changing at home. It can help for families and schools to talk, making sure the child understands what will be shared, with who, and why.
It can help to share if a recent incident, event or decision, at home or at school, has impacted the child. Talking about what support the child has access to, in and out of school, is helpful too.
Some of the ways you could start to share this may include:
💬 “They are happy for me to let you know that…”
💬 “I wanted to let you know that at the weekend…”
💬 “The main reason they are not wanting to come in is…”
💬 “Can we talk about what support they are getting out of school at the moment?”
Making plans together
💬 “Could Mr Naseer send some art homework? Tom’s worried he’s missed so much time that he won’t finish his National 5 coursework. If he works on stuff at home, he’ll be able to get back into things quicker when he comes back in.”
💬 “We’d love to have you back in the football team, Freya. How would you feel coming in after lunch on Thursdays, so you can head straight to training after class?”
When supporting children to return to school, it can be helpful to make or review a child’s school support plan. At a meeting, or over email, it can help to talk about the support that’s working, what other support could help, and how the child can be supported to have positive experiences at school.
Remember, children’s views should be taken into account as part of this planning.
You could start to talk about these things by saying:
💬 “I know their support plan currently says that…”
💬 “They told me they find it most helpful when…”
💬 “At home when this happens, what we do is…”
💬 “Their favourite subject is…”
💬 “I know they really get on well at school with…”
Keeping in touch
💬 “I spoke with Charlie again this morning. They said the breakfast club is really fun, so it sounds like it’s going well!”
💬 “Thanks for meeting with us again today. Here is a copy of the new support plan. Looking forward to seeing you again at our check-in on Thursday 12 June.”
Supporting children to feel able to attend school takes time. Checking in regularly makes sure that all adults involved are able to support the child to get back to school at their own pace.
This should always include continuing to listen to the child and how they’re feeling, but can also involve review meetings, phone calls, and keeping in touch via email.
When keeping in touch you could say:
💬 “I asked them how they are feeling and they said…”
💬 “We were so proud to see that they managed to…”
💬 “This has been working really well, could we also…”
💬 “I’d like to review their support plan, would you be around for a meeting next week?”
More about missing school
▶️ Watch our short Navigate video about Missing school + care experience
🔗 Visit our Why do care experienced children miss school? Navigate page
🔗 Check out our Talking to children about missing school conversation starters
